I once nearly destroyed a business relationship with a single word: “No.”
I was working on a project with an American client, and he proposed an idea that was simply impossible.
It was too expensive, too complicated, and completely unrealistic.
So, being clear and efficient, I told him directly, “No, we can’t do that.”
The silence on the other end of the video call was deafening.
He was shocked.
Offended, even.
In that moment, I realized that my Western colleagues had taught me to be direct, but my Japanese soul was screaming in protest.
I had broken the cardinal rule of Japanese communication.
I had said a hard, direct “No.”
Saving Face: The Real Reason “No” is a Four-Letter Word in Japan
The Code Words: “Chotto,” “Kamoshiremasen,” and “Kento Shimasu”
In the West, directness is often seen as a sign of honesty and efficiency.
In Japan, it can be seen as aggressive, rude, and deeply inconsiderate.
Why?
Because Japanese culture is built on the concept of maintaining harmony (wa) and saving face (mentsu), for both yourself and the other person.
A direct “no” does the opposite.
It creates confrontation.
It slams a door in the other person’s face, potentially causing them embarrassment.
So, instead of saying “no,” we have a rich vocabulary of indirect expressions that act as a cushion.
These are the code words you absolutely must learn.
If you ask a Japanese person for a favor and they start their sentence with “chotto…” (it’s a little…), the sentence almost always ends in a negative.
If they say “sore wa muzukashii kamoshiremasen” (that might be difficult), they are telling you it’s impossible.
And the most famous one in the business world: “kento shimasu” (I will consider it).
My foreign friends, I am so sorry to tell you this, but nine times out of ten, this means “No.”
It’s a polite way of closing the conversation without creating conflict.
So, How Do You Know for Sure?
This is the million-dollar question.
How do you distinguish a genuine “maybe” from a polite “no”?
The key is to look for what comes after the vague phrase.
If someone genuinely wants to consider your proposal, they will follow up with concrete actions.
They will ask specific questions.
They will propose a timeline (“Can we discuss this again next Tuesday?”).
But if their “I will consider it” is followed by silence, or a vague “I’ll let you know,” that is your answer.
The lack of a follow-up is the real message.
It’s a silent, polite, and deeply Japanese way of saying “no.”
A Tool for a Frustrating, But Fascinating World
I know this can be incredibly frustrating.
It feels inefficient and confusing.
After my disastrous “No,” I had to spend the next hour apologizing and carefully rephrasing my rejection in the proper Japanese way.
I said things like, “Your idea is wonderful, however, considering our current budget, it might be a little difficult at this moment. Allow us to consider other possibilities.”
It took ten times as long, but the harmony was restored.
This is a world where the process is often more important than the outcome.
Understanding this communication style is essential for anyone wanting to build real relationships in Japan, whether for business or friendship.
There are many great books on this topic that can help you navigate this fascinating, and sometimes maddening, cultural landscape.
So, the next time you hear a vague, non-committal answer from a Japanese person, don’t get frustrated.
Listen closely to what is not being said.
That is where you will find the real answer.
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This idea of indirect communication is part of a much larger concept in Japan: the ability to sense the mood without words.
To understand it, you need to learn about the Japanese superpower of “reading the air.”
【WTF?】”Kuuki wo Yomu”: The Japanese Superpower of “Reading the Air”
