“Don’t you miss Japan?”
As a Japanese person who has chosen to live abroad, I get asked this question all the time.
My answer is always the same: “Yes. Desperately. And also, not at all.”
It’s a confusing answer, I know.
But it’s the honest one.
Living outside of your home country gives you a unique perspective.
You start to see the things you took for granted with a painful clarity.
And you also start to see the invisible chains you were happy to leave behind.
So today, I want to share something a little different.
Not a travel guide, but a personal list.
This is my love letter, and my breakup letter, to Japan.
A Love Letter and a Breakup Letter to My Homeland
The Things I Desperately Miss (My Love Letter)
These are the things that sometimes ache in my heart, the small joys that you can only truly find in Japan.
1. The Food, of Course. But Not What You Think.
Yes, I miss the Michelin-star sushi and the perfectly crafted bowls of ramen.
But what I truly, deeply miss is the everyday, casual perfection. The impossibly fluffy egg salad sandwich from 7-Eleven.
The taste of a hot can of coffee from a vending machine on a cold morning.
The sheer variety of weird and wonderful KitKat flavors.
2. The Art of “Omotenashi” (Hospitality).
This is the uniquely Japanese style of hospitality.
It’s more than just good service. It’s the ability to anticipate a customer’s needs before they even ask.
It’s the beautifully wrapped purchase from a department store.
It’s the taxi driver who apologizes for a traffic jam that isn’t his fault.
It’s a feeling of being genuinely cared for, and I have never experienced anything like it anywhere else in the world.
3. The Public Transportation.
My friends, you have no idea how good you have it.
Trains that arrive on the exact second they are scheduled to.
Clean, quiet, and efficient.
Being able to cross a massive city like Tokyo without ever needing a car is a form of freedom that I miss every single day.
My Pro-Tip: You Can Get a Taste of Japan, Anywhere
For those of us living abroad, and for those of you who have returned from a trip and are missing the flavors of Japan, there is a solution.
The internet, my friends!
You can find an amazing variety of authentic Japanese snacks and treats on sites like Amazon.
It’s not the same as being there, but biting into a Matcha KitKat can bring back the memories in an instant.
The Things I Was Happy to Leave Behind (My Breakup Letter)
This is harder to talk about, but it’s just as true.
There are parts of Japanese society that I found suffocating.
1. The “Nail That Sticks Out Gets Hammered Down.”
This is a famous Japanese proverb, and it perfectly captures the immense pressure to conform.
Individuality is often seen as selfishness.
Having a different opinion, or a different way of doing things, can lead to social isolation.
The need to constantly “read the air” (Kuuki wo Yomu) can be exhausting.
2. The Rigid Work Culture.
The long hours, the unpaid overtime, the pressure to never take a vacation… it’s a culture that can praise endurance over efficiency.
While it’s changing slowly, the idea that your life should revolve around your company is still very strong.
3. The Difficulty of Real Communication.
This is connected to everything else.
Because of the culture of “Honne and Tatemae” (private feelings vs. public face), it can be very difficult to know what people are truly thinking.
It can sometimes feel like you are navigating a minefield of unspoken rules and hidden meanings.
My Final Word: A Beautiful, Complicated Place
I love Japan.
It is my home, and it is a country of incredible beauty, kindness, and innovation.
But like any relationship, it’s not perfect.
To truly love a place, I believe you have to see it clearly, both the good and the bad.
And I hope that by sharing my honest feelings, I’ve given you a more real, more human picture of the beautiful, complicated place I call home.
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The pressure to conform is a huge part of the Japanese mindset.
One of the concepts that explains this is “Honne and Tatemae,” the two “faces” of a Japanese person.
Honne & Tatemae: Cracking the Code of the Two Japanese “Faces”
